Life Coach

The internet is really great sometimes. It's a bottomless pit of everything, and especially bottomless when it comes to music. For example, it helps you discover legions of bands you would never normally hear of. Like Fang Island. Sometimes, though, it all goes a little bit wrong. Just little things. Ok, just one little thing.

Stop saying epic.

I mean it guys! Yes, language is an evolving thing, no, it's not in any way for me to say what's right or wrong for anyone to say or not say. But we've ruined it! "Oh man that was an epic breakfast." No. It was breakfast. You didn't feast for days upon the juicy hearts of all those who have wronged you. You had muesli and toast.

Ok ok I guess I better explain myself. Why the sudden rage over the use of a single word. Isn't this supposed to be about music? Well yes, and this is where my problem lies. Fang Island's latest (self-titled) album is awesome. I mean, really really awesome. And now I have to try and tell you about it WITHOUT saying that it's epic. Because that word is now in the bin.

Ok, so you gotta bear with me here. Music is mountains. Over there on pop mountain it's always sunny, on metal mountain there's lighting and on gangsta rap mountain there's lots of drive-bys. So here we are on Fang Island mountain. And here's Larry with the weather:

OH SHIT GUYS, you might wanna stay indoors for this one. I'm pretty sure the sky is full of ENORMOUS HAWKS! They are exacting their HAWKY VENGEANCE onto anything that dare opposose them. The only thing standing up to the hawks are the ROBOT DINOSAURS, who seem to be using the enormous hawks as AWESOME SURFBOARDS and shooting lasers at all sorts of shit. I'm pretty sure the moon just FUCKING EXPLODED! You might be stuggling to hear me over the sounds of WICKED GUITAR played by THOR HIMSELF. Oh, did I mention the guitar was AFRICA? Also, there are angels riding the robot dinosaurs. And it's raining money. Back to you in the studio!

This concludes our tour of Fang Island mountain. Back to planet boring. I had to go to all that nonsensical effort because a bunch of 14 year olds ruined the one word that sums it up completely. If the internet keeps taking great words away from me I'm just gonna have to make up my own, and nobody wants that.

Fang Island. A sklubtastic band, a pharlicious album.